Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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