oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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