think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
