Non-Jews are for practice
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize