Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
