i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
