Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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