so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
