I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
