We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the day after is always just damage control
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
