awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
