If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
