I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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