Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
