got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
