It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
