Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
