So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
