I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
