Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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