best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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