she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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