My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
