Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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