just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
