my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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