I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize