Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He shit in the fireplace
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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