I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
