Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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