Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
