New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
