Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
