Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
