Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize