you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
