I am in a vortex of obligation.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
