I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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