I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
