i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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