If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
