Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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