atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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