I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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