I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
