so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
