This girl is more easily done than said...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
