I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
