my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
