I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
