like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
