Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
