he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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