Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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