he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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