Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i came on her dog
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
