How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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