my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
