Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
