Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
