your thong is hanging out like whoa
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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