btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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