i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
