New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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