Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
