found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
