Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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