Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
