I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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