wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
