I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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