Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
