: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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