I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize