Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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