Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
