So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
