i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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