party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
