oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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