You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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