omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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