just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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