One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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