I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
