rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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