call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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