Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
