I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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