Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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