We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
