I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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