Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
