I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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