I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
