We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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