she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
